by
Helen M. Davis We’ve all heard the old adage about sticks and stones. For those who have been on the receiving end of name calling, it’s also known how untrue this really is. Names hurt, they can do more damage than blows, and the effect can be long lasting, sometimes never going away completely. The Fern Ridge School District has enacted policies to address bullying such as management systems that encourage behavior that is good and redirect misbehavior. Those students who do not follow classroom or school rules may receive what’s known as a problem solver or either a minor or major referral that is sent home to be signed by a parent or guardian and returned. Minor referrals may also result in in-school suspension, a conference with the principal or a phone call home. Major referrals are issued for severe, dangerous, or repeated behavior that includes fighting, bullying, and violent threats. Staff are also trained to address bullying by completing a yearly online program as well as an annual dialogue at the beginning of the school year while students have been trained to identify bullying and report. Administrators vow to take all reports of bullying seriously and respond appropriately by addressing all reports received. This sounds like a reasonable approach if consequences are truly enacted and those students who attempt to bully others are held accountable, but anecdotes suggest that bullying might not be being taken as seriously as it should be and in one case in particular, the result has been tragic. Though this took place 14 years ago, its horrifying nature makes it bear repeating. A 12-year-old girl who had been bullied at Veneta Elementary School and then at Fern Ridge Middle School made the choice to end her life. Her grieving family will never have all the answers they seek where this tragedy is concerned, though since the death of the child they loved, they sought to understand why such a “smart,” “sensitive” girl was made to hurt so badly by those who refused to get to know her that she felt she could not continue to live. The family reported that receiving condolence cards from those who tormented her was painful as some of those who sent them apologized for having been cruel while other cards were tossed out by police during the investigation due to their hurtful nature. What this young girl could have become will never be known, but she did have dreams of becoming a vet, a dream that could not be realized thanks to the hurtfulness of others and perhaps a blind eye by those who should have seen and acted. More recently, another youngster at the middle school threatened suicide after being bullied relentlessly and yet another child was bullied repeatedly at Elmira Elementary while being vilified by staff and accused of being the instigator. Meanwhile, the now embolded tormentor continued to make life difficult for the child in question until the culprit was finally caught in the act and a school official made it known there would be consequences if the behavior was to continue. No doubt there are many more instances of bullying in the Fern Ridge Schools, and all of these are heartbreaking for the kids who are victimized, especially those youngsters whose home lives might not be optimal and therefore are not receiving the proper support, and for those who, like the child at Elmira, are being held responsible for what is happening when a liar skillfully deflects the blame from where it belongs. Cases such as these bring up the question as to how seriously bullying is really being taken and how well is staff paying attention? A therapist who regularly visits the middle school has continually heard students in the hallways using foul language and calling other students nasty names despite such behavior being forbidden in the student handbook. It would stand to follow that if a blind eye is turned to this sort of deportment, that other types of miscreants are also being shrugged off with perhaps a warning at best and ignoring at worst. Yes, teachers have an incredibly difficult job and don’t get paid nearly what they deserve for juggling high class numbers while trying to see that all students in their care, including those with behavioral issues or disabilities receive a proper education while not necessarily having all the resources they need. But when a student is being made to feel fearful and unsafe it’s important that they have an ally who can offer the support they need along with the reassurance that they don’t deserve the way they are being treated. Bullying, when not properly addressed, can lead to depression and anxiety in those who are being targeted along with a loss of self-esteem and poor school performance and even skipping class to avoid being hurt. Children who are bullied can learn to hate themselves, particularly when they are made to feel as though the mistreatment is somehow deserved either by a teacher or administrator directly or indirectly inferring that they are responsible for what is happening. When bullying becomes a long-term issue and is coupled with a lack of proper support at home the results can be a child with serious issues who may turn to the wrong people for acceptance and who may struggle for years to feel good about themselves. All the talk and all the policies are meaningless without action. Unless those who are responsible for bullying are held accountable, unless there are real consequences for bad behavior, bullying will continue. Those who are being abused this way need to be listened to and believed. Until this happens, until eyes are opened and those in power truly take seriously the harmful effects of bullying, until they truly make an effort to put a stop to such despicable deportment, lives will be harmed, sometimes irreparably. Yes, a stick or a stone if large enough and delivered with enough force could possibly break a bone, but names will always, always hurt.
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